It’s Not Only What You Say, But How You Say It

It’s not just what you say to your spouse, but how you say it. Tone can change the entire meaning of the spoken content. Tone is the punctuation to the spoken word. You can imagine how difficult it would be to write without punctuation.

Two of the biggest offenses in tone are using an overbearing angry tone or using sarcasm. Both are equally destructive. Try to be more aware of the tone you use in conversation with spouse. Many of us do not realize to what extent we use tone. If we were to record a typical conversation with our spouse, we might be surprised.

Sometimes we use tone in a way to communicate an unspoken feeling. For instance, Ed might ask me if I want to go to a particular fast food restaurant he knows I am not fond of. I might respond with a faint “sure,” but my tone is saying “not really.” When we go there, I am frustrated, thinking he knew I didn’t really want to go here and we went anyway! He may or may not have understood my tone. In his mind, he is thinking, what is she so irritated about? She said “sure.” Your spouse should not need to be a mind reader. Say what you are truly thinking in love.

All you need to say is simply ‘yes’ or ‘no’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. ~ Matthew 5:37

Start paying better attention to the tone you use with your spouse and say what you really want to communicate, in love, with your words.

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